I recently created a new concept called “The Cycle of Change” which, like much of my material, is something that I’ve had floating around my head for years. In the Cycle, there is a point which I call “The Inflection Point” where everything goes wrong. Everything falls down. You’re cruising along, having a great time, and suddenly everything goes pear-shaped. Well, that’s exactly what has happened to me on this journey towards doing the work I love. Was I expecting it? Well, yes, but I didn’t think it would have such a disastrous impact (and be such a profound learning experience).
In June 2017, I ended my contract work in order to focus on Practical Metaphysics as my full-time occupation. I knew that I would need to find a way to make it support me financially, and while I didn’t have a clear vision of what that would look like, I knew I had about 10-12 months to figure that out. It was a bit of a scary prospect, but I was confident and positive about it. My wife said to other people “If anyone can figure out how to make this work, it’s Blair.” And so I dived in, confident and cocky as ever.
I don’t mind saying that I had really huge challenges making Practical Metaphysics financially supportive. The courses I spent weeks and months developing didn’t magically sell. I started to doubt the whole thing. In fact, I started to doubt my own ability to get this across the line – maybe I didn’t have what it takes to make this work? Maybe I’ve just wasted huge chunks of time and money chasing after an impossible dream? I started to doubt my own value as I saw reflection after reflection of zero success.
Not long after, the ATO decided to audit my business. I wasn’t too concerned as I thought that all of the ducks were in glorious alignment. But it turns out that a large number of ducks had flown south for the winter and needed to be brought back. The ATO served me with a bill that took all the cash reserves I had for Practical Metaphysics.
During this time, there were also really intense family challenges with one of our teenagers. This had been going on for some time and had been leading me to doubt myself as a parent. I’m supposed to be a Life Coach for God’s sake, and therefore my life is supposed to be perfect, so what the hell is wrong with me that I have all this family dysfunction??? How can I help people with their lives when by own family life is so problematic?
So, reluctantly, I settled up all of the outstanding payments, and looked at what was left over. Nothing. Within the space of a week, I went from hero to zero. Every time I thought about it, it felt like was like someone was twisting a knife in my gut. October was finishing up and November was looming, I had no income, and not even the I.T industry would rescue me because it was too late in the year and nobody was hiring.
So there I was, at my Inflection Point. I’d been following my passion, my excitement for months and now I had no money, no income and no way of generating any. I was worthless. Not only that, I was a crap parent and a crap husband and I had royally screwed up my life, again. I was well and truly in my dark night of the soul. Every dream, shattered.
A few mornings later, I woke up and realised something. I am still the same person I was before my bank account got empty. I’m skilled at plenty of things, I’ve helped people make amazing changes in their lives, I’m actually a good parent and a good husband, people do seem to value me and what I do. The state of my bank account has absolutely nothing to do with my value as a person. I started to get fired up about this idea. YES! FUCK THAT! I have WORTH and VALUE and if no-one is seeing it then that’s THEIR problem!! Holy cow, for months and months now I have allowed myself to believe that I have little worth, no value… and should I be surprised that the reflection of that would be… no money? What the FUCK was I thinking??? Why did I buy into this stupid belief?? One by one, the realisations hit, the epiphanies bashed me over the head, and I was angered and energised and ecstatic and depressed all at the same time. I had dropped the belief that I had no worth or value. And while I was cross with myself for buying into that belief in the first place, I also knew that I had let it go and it would not be holding me to ransom ever again.
So now, even though nothing has changed in my physical reality, I face each day with a positive attitude because I know that I have worth and value as a human being. I continue on working with Practical Metaphysics, I seek out other work even though it’s the quiet time of the year, I’m grateful for the money I have and I no longer feel like someone is twisting a knife in my gut whenever I see the bank account. I’ve progressed from my Inflection Point, through acceptance, through introspection, and now I’ve let go of a belief that was severely limiting my life. I’ve gone all the way around the dark side of the Cycle of Change. Hopefully, I’ve learnt my lesson and I won’t have to repeat it again.
So, here I am, penniless but happy. At least now I’m out of that negative spiral and into a place where abundance is once again a possibility. It can only be up from here.